a history too heavy to carry
by ahprodithe
Summary: Gwendolyn was just a normal teenage girl, until she woke up in Hawaii in the body of a twenty-nine year old. Not only that, but she was also pretty certain she landed on the tv-show Hawaii Five-0, one of her favorite shows, if Steve McGarrett finding her and taking her in was anything to go by. Pretending not to remember a single thing but her name, Gwen learns to survive.
1. Prologue

**A HISTORY TOO HEAVY TO CARRY**

"AND SHE ACHES, BECAUSE SHE REMEMBERS."

* * *

The very first thing she noticed when she regained some sort of consciousness, was that she felt like she was run over by a damn truck. Her entire body ached and a headache pounded against her skull. It felt like cotton candy had taken over her mouth and her lips felt chapped.

The second thing was that for some reason, she felt very exposed. There was a breeze prickling her skin at places it shouldn't be able the reach if she had been fully dressed. At least, she thought she was butt bare naked. That was the only possible reason for the chill across her body and the way her breasts seemed to be crushed by the surface it was pressing against, feeling very much like there was no piece of clothing covering the area. Why she was naked was a mystery to her though. As far as she knew, she had went to sleep wearing a super cute marvel jumper.

Another thing she noticed was that the surface she was laying on didn't at all feel like her bed. There was a possibility she rolled off said bed in the middle of the night, god knows how many times that had happened already, but that wouldn't explain the breeze.

She could easily find an answer to her questions if she opened up her eyes like a normal person would, but despite the hard and cold floor she was laying on, she actually was pretty comfy. If you didn't count the way her body felt like it had been through a grinder then.

Maybe that was one other reason why she didn't feel like opening her eyes. What if she actually did went through a grinder or got run over by a truck? She could be missing limbs! In a reflex, the girl ordered her toes and fingers to wiggle, relief coursing through her at the knowledge that all her body parts were still attached and intact.

The girl knew that it probably wasn't the best idea to keep laying there, but she really felt like moving would be a bad idea. Her worries got confirmed when she heard the opening and the closing of a door. Body going tense, she had to try her hardest not the wrap her arms around herself in a protective action, not wanting to alert the person of her being awake. She wasn't as aware as she wanted to be for this situation to begin with.

Footsteps thumped against the ground and the girl almost thought that the person wouldn't notice her, until said persons footsteps stopped abruptly. Her breath caught in her throat as she heard the distinct sound of a gun being pulled. She was pretty certain it was directed at her, making her feel paralyzed. She'd never encountered a real gun before in her life. Speaking of life, she wasn't ready to die!

The man, she assumed it was a man because of the heaviness of the footsteps, seemed to approach her cautiously. A dark shadow fell over her face and not two seconds later she felt two fingers being pressed against her throat. In a reflex her eyes snapped open, body shooting backwards and hitting a wall, arms wrapping protectively around her frame. Her eyes were big and wild and all of a sudden she felt very much awake.

The sight in front of her made her think she was dreaming. It had been a man that had been approaching her, she had been right about that, but he also looked awfully familiar. So familiar that she knew pretty much everything about him that there was to know. She'd never met him before in her life, but she watched him on her television screen every Friday at around nine PM. In front of her was none other than Alex O'Loughlin, the actor that played Steve McGarrett on the television show Hawaii Five-0. Also, Moonlight, but she was pretty certain not many people knew that.

Alex looked at her like she was a scared cat, but she saw the caution behind his eyes, so much that he reminded her of his character. Why did he even have a gun? She was pretty sure that he didn't usually walk around with firearms. Eyes quickly swapping around the area, realization dawned on her. She was either on the set of Hawaii Five-0 or she was _in_ Hawaii Five-0. These were obvious indicators that she was dreaming. She could be going crazy too.

She had made the connection in seconds, despite how messy her mind was at the moment. Steve shuffled slightly forward, causing her to press her back harder against the wall, not because she was afraid, but because she was freaked out. He immediately noticed her distress and raised his hands carefully, showing her that he meant no harm before his lips opened and a soft but firm voice filled her ears.

"I'm not going to hurt you, I promise. I'm five-0." He tapped on his badge to indicate he was speaking the truth. Orbs flitting to said badge for merely a second before focusing on his face again.

"Can you tell me your name?"

There was no reason for her not to tell him her name, right? All of this was just a dream and she would wake up at any moment, back in her bed and snuggling with her pillow. The girl parted her lips to speak, but a small breeze tickling her skin stopped her. She just now realized that she was indeed naked. In front of her celebrity crush. She was about to die of embarrassment.

Biting her bottom lip softly, her arms wound closer around the exposed area of her breasts and she pressed her legs tighter together. She was sure she was as red as a tomato. Steve noticed her actions, but she saw that he was trying very hard to focus on her face instead of her body. Eyes following him as he stood up and disappeared in the house, before he was out again, a shirt in his hands. He had been right in assuming that she wouldn't just leave.

Once again he moved closer to her, offering the shirt. The girl hesitated for merely a second, before snatching the shirt out of his hands and holding it in front of her. A shy gaze was directed at him and he immediately got the hint. Steve turned around and when she was sure that he wasn't looking at her anymore, she released the grip on herself and put on the shirt. It came to just below her thighs, covering her butt. He was even taller in real life.

When she was done with putting on the baby blue shirt, she coughed softly to alert Steve that it was okay to turn around. Steve did so and the girl swallowed, blue hues locking with hazel ones, before speaking.

"Gwendolyn."

* * *

 ** _A/N: welcome to the prologue of my new fanfiction! i've been walking around with this idea in my head for quite some time now, so i couldn't help but start writing it. i don't know if i'm the only one, but i absolutely adore fanfictions in which a person basically travels into a tv-show. they have so much knowledge about the show that can help the characters, but there are always complications. i'm gonna try to do this a bit different than most, but you'll just have to see c:_**

 ** _i haven't figured out just yet in which episode this is set, but atleast i know for certain that it begins somewhere in season 1 because i already have ideas for season 2. with that, i also want to say that i'm still working on watching the entire show, at the moment i'm at 2x04, so it's possible i will make a few mistakes. this is also a slow burn relationship, but i'll try to put as many cute moments in a chapter as possible._**

 ** _my update consistency is gonna be crappy, just a warning. i'm working on two other fanfictions at the moment, one vampire diaries fic and the other an agents of s.h.i.e.l.d. fic. i'm also pretty crappy at updating those regularly, ask anyone. keep in mind, how more people read, vote and review, how more desire i have to write!_**

 ** _i hope you guys enjoyed and want to read more!_**


	2. Chapter 1

**A HISTORY TOO HEAVY TO CARRY**

"LET ME TELL YOU A STORY."

* * *

 _Gwendolyn made a dive behind the couch before the other person entered the room. Hands coming up to cover her mouth, she made herself as small as possible to make sure she wouldn't get caught. Thumping footsteps were heard and Gwennie's breath caught in her throat as her teeth sank into her lip._

" _Come out, come out, wherever you are!" The man's voice filled the room, a daunting little tune to his deep tone. Little Gwenny couldn't help but giggle. Two seconds to late she realized she'd given herself away. It didn't take the man too long before he reached the couch and peeked behind it, a dark shadow looming over her frame._

" _Found you!" The dark haired man uttered joyfully as Gwenny reluctantly moved from behind the couch and pouted her bottom lip at her dad. Eyes moving down to stare at her shoes, she admitted her defeat._

 _Her sparkling pink sneakers made her think back to the day she got them from her mom as a birthday gift. It had been a birthday filled with cake, gifts and laughter. She remembered that day as one of the best she ever had. This one came as a close second._

" _That wasn't fair! Mommy said you're a hero and heroes have superpowers! You cheated." Her mom always told her this whenever her dad was gone for long periods of time and she was feeling angry and sad about having an absent father._

 _Her mommy said that her daddy was keeping danger away from them so his little girl could be safe. She said he saved lives and made sure bad people were stopped. Gwenny was supposed to look at him as a hero and she did. She was very proud of him._

 _Her dad swooped her up in his arms and spun her around, making a laugh bubble up in her throat. Arms wound tightly around his neck, Gwen buried her face in his chest. He had been home for nearly a week now, but she still felt like she was making up for lost time._

" _Your mom says I'm a hero?" Her daddy questioned her as he stopped spinning her around but kept holding on to her._

" _Yes, she says you are keeping a lot of people safe and that makes you a hero," Gwenny nodded seriously, her pigtails bouncing on her head._

" _Well, you should listen to your mom. And heroes don't cheat!"_

 _Gwen was just about to answer that it still wasn't fair when her mom entered the room, a letter clutched in her hands and tears rolling down her cheeks. The brunette didn't know what was going on, but she realized it couldn't be good if her mommy was crying. Her dad slowly lowered her to the ground, his face grave. As soon as her feet touched the floor, Gwen wound her arms around herself to hug her frame._

 _The man walked over to his wife and instead of taking the letter, he wrapped his arms around her body which immediately began to shudder at his touch. Her mommy was crying loudly and Gwen just wanted to roll up in a ball and never come out. It felt like hours before the girl finally opened her mouth and whispered something._

 _At first they didn't seem to hear her until she said it once more, louder this time, her voice breaking in the middle of her sentence._

" _You have to go save lives again, don't you?"_

 _The blonde woman pushed herself away a fraction from her husband, tears still rolling down her cheeks, but no heart wrenching sounds leaving her lips anymore. Her dad also focused on her._

" _Yeah, daddy has to do what all heroes do. Help people," His voice didn't belong to him anymore, Gwen barely recognized him. Usually he was so carefree and happy._

" _What if I don't want you to be a hero?" Her lips started to shake and her blue eyes watered, making it almost impossible to see anything clearly._

 _This time her mom stepped away from her dad completely and walked over to her on trembling legs. She wanted to console her daughter despite being heartbroken herself. Once she reached her the woman kneeled in front of her and put her hands on Gwen's arms to pull them away from her chest. Gwendolyn's arms were getting red from the pressure she had been applying._

" _Baby, you know you don't mean that."_

 _The little girl shook her head with such force that her pigtails hit her in the face. Now a salty liquid was rolling down her cheeks and Gwen stomped with her feet in a tantrum._

" _I do mean that! I do! I don't want him to save people, I want him to be_ _ **my**_ _dad!" Gwen was hiccupping now._

" _Gwen!" Her mother said, her hands having flown up to her face in shock. Never had those words left her lips before. The girl almost regretted them when she saw the look on her mother's face, but one look at her dad made the anger resurface as she shook her mom's hands from her arms._

 _Storming over to her dad, she looked up at him, her face on thunder, "You're not a hero! You always leave me. I hate you!"_

 _Not looking at his reaction, the little girl brushed past him and ran out of her room, storming up the stairs and throwing the door open to her room. Just before Gwen hit the bed, the scene faded to black, leaving nothing but darkness in its wake._

* * *

This time Gwendolyn did understand where she was once she woke up. The sound beeping of the machine next to her and the sterile scent made it known that she was in a hospital. She could faintly remember Steve calling an ambulance and being lifted onto a bran card, but her mind was a bit hazy from all the medicine she received.

After Gwen had gotten over a part of her shock, a wave of drowsiness and exhaustion had settled in and the girl had basically fallen asleep mid-sentence. She had decided not to tell Steve anything but her name, opting on choosing the whole 'I forgot my memory' path, seeing that seemed safest for now.

A miniscule part of her had hoped she would wake up in her own bed, but the bigger part just wanted this dream to last for as long as it could. It didn't happen often that it really felt like you were in your favorite tv-show. She was going to live it up.

Orbs flitting to the chair at the right side of the bed, she was surprised to find Steve sitting on it. She hadn't expected him to be here. Gwen had thought he'd probably be busy with finding out her identity because she knew how hard it was for him to let things go. She was certain that no matter how hard they tried, they would never find her. She didn't exist in this world.

Tongue flitting out to wet her lips, Gwen tried to hoist herself up, but was surprised by the soreness of her body and how much every movement stung. Steve was out of his seat in a second, hands pressing down on her shoulders to push her to lay down again.

"I wouldn't sit up just yet. Your body has gone through quite a trauma."

Confusion spread across her face because she didn't understand what he meant. What kinda trauma was he talking about? She woke up on his front porch. Naked. She didn't fall off a damn cliff.

Steve saw the confusion on her face clearly and smiled reassuringly at her to comfort her. Once he was sure that she wouldn't sit back up again, he let go and took a step back. Gwen almost pouted, it felt pretty good to have his hands touch her skin.

"You have a few cuts and bruises. They also did tests on your head, but they couldn't find anything to indicate the memory loss. They may think it's a blockage your mind conquered up to protect yourself, but that wouldn't explain why you don't remember anything but your first name. I'm sorry, this must be very hard on you, how are you feeling?"

Gwendolyn could do nothing else but stare at him for a couple of seconds. She was still so stunned to be in the same room as him. To have his character brought to life in front of her. The way his voice smoothly explained everything that was wrong with her felt warm, despite the actual news leaving his lips.

She knew that she had to twist some version of the truth right now. There was no way telling him about what was really going on would be a good choice. He'd only call her crazy and before she knew it she would be locked up in a mental institution, living out her dream in solitude. It didn't sound like much fun.

Swallowing to lessen the dryness of her throat, she parted her chapped lips to speak, "Confused." This was the main emotion she was feeling and she felt like it would fit the memory loss situation fairly well too. Who wouldn't be confused when every memory had been taken away from them?

His hazel eyes struck a chord within her and once again she felt like she was receiving a heart attack. His beauty was even more striking in real life. Gwendolyn really felt like fainting.

"Do you really not remember anything?" Steve questioned her cautiously, as not to rile her up. She hadn't been very mouthy earlier due to the shock and the embarrassment. She still had no idea how she ended up naked. It was just one of many questions.

Gwen shook her head, despite the action causing a headache. "Only my first name. I can't remember how I got on your front porch or who my parents are. I don't even remember my own age." Obviously she was aware of the last two things: her mom was called Beth Castillo, her dad Darren Castillo and currently she was nineteen years old. Not that she could tell Steve these things.

Steve smiled softly at her, trying to tell her without words that it was okay and that it would come back to her eventually. Gwen felt bad for lying to him, but it was in her best interest.

"My team is trying to find out who you are at this very moment, so you don't need to worry about a thing. You should just rest and try to remember. It would really help."

Gwen had to bite her lip in order not to blurt out that they didn't have to go through all that trouble for her. A normal person with amnesia would want to know who they are. So instead she nodded, eyes flitting down to her hands as she played with her fingers.

"What if you guys can't find out who I am?" She whispered with a pained undertone in her voice. If she had just been a little more outgoing, she could have played on the show of Hawaii Five-0 for real with her Oscar worthy acting skills.

Steve surprised her by laying his hand on top of hers. Blue hues traveled down as a tingle shot through her arm and her breath caught in her throat. He was touching her! Like, for real skin to skin contact. She should not be freaking out about this as much as she was. Luckily, it was all inner turmoil and Steve barely noticed a switch in her posture. "We're going to do our absolute best. Don't worry about that, okay? It will all turn out fine."

He really wasn't allowed to make that promise, but here he was, telling her everything was going to be okay. This only made her like him more. Gwen would never watch Hawaii Five-0 anymore without this knowledge. It was freaking adorable.

The brunette nodded softly as Steve pulled back his hand. Gwendolyn could do nothing else but smile softly at him, but their moment got interrupted when his phone rang. She always found this awfully annoying in the show, but she was really excited for everything happening. This included phone calls, most likely from Danny. Gwen really hoped she got to meet the others. She wondered which season she was in.

Steve grabbed his phone from his pocket, looked at her apologetically and picked up. "Danny, what do you got?"

Faintly she could hear Danny's voice from the other end of the line and she had to pinch herself to make sure this was really happening. She was dying of the feels.

"Nada. There is literally nothing to be found out about mystery girl. We ran her face through facial recognition, no match. There are a few hundred Gwendolyn's living on this island and it isn't even sure if she's actually from Hawaii. There are no people that have flown in with that name in the past few days so or she changed her name or she's a citizen. She's like a ghost."

This news didn't seem to sit well with Steve as he turned around and made sure to lower his voice, causing her to strain to hear what he was saying.

"Nothing? There must be _something_. What about checking out all the people with the same first name? Ruling possibilities out. Maybe a missing person? Someone must miss her."

"We already thought of that, but no match. She's a grown woman Steve, it's unlikely she's filed as missing."

Gwen was a grown woman? She was nineteen for Christ Sake! She wasn't even legal yet. Despite this, she tried to shake it off, as she continued focusing on the conversation.

"Danny! We can't just conclude it with 'Oh hey, you're a ghost, have fun living the rest of your life without knowing who you are!' We gotta help her."

Was he aware that she was hearing everything he was saying? His voice had risen quite a lot at his last few words. The desperation in his voice pained her and she felt extra guilty about lying to him.

"I don't know, Steve, okay?! We've been trying for a full day now. We can see if she matches any of the people with the name that live here, but without a last name that will take weeks. Maybe someone is going to report her as missing eventually, but that could take days _if_ it even happens. The only solid chance we have is of her regaining her memory and telling us what she remembers. That's it babe, there isn't anything else we can do right now."

Gwen could clearly see that Steve's shoulders were hunched and his left hand had moved up to rub his nose. She didn't get why he was taking this so personally. He got stressed a lot about cases, but she'd never quite seen him like this unless it was personal. Maybe he felt responsible of her because he found her on his porch? It did make sense.

"I know man, sorry. This just feels personal."

Steve wasn't making any sense at all and it bothered her. Usually she knew exactly what he was thinking because she'd seen every single expression a million times. She knew the way he thought, but now that he was actually a living and breathing human being, she had trouble getting a read on him. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that he was like this because of her, but that didn't change the fact that she was nothing more than confused.

"I know babe, I would feel the same way if I found a naked girl on my porch that didn't remember anything, but you got to calm down and get this into perspective."

Being witness of a McDanno moment was mind blowing to her. Gwen loved those two dearly and she even had to be honest in saying she shipped them a little bit. Or, like, a lot. She never said she wasn't a true fangirl.

"Where is she gonna stay? The hospital is going to release her in a few hours and she has nowhere to go."

She only realized this once Steve spoke about it and worry settled deep in her bones. If she wasn't able to stay with one of them, she was going to freak. They were the only few familiar faces in the world she was currently walking. She needed some kind of anchor point. The only reason for her wanting to be here was them, she didn't want to be separated.

"I don't - No! Steve, don't play hero right now. You don't know who she is. What if this is all just a plot from Wo Fat and she tries to kill you?!" Danny yelled over the phone, making Steve pull the phone away from his ear before moving it back.

This still didn't clue her in for which season she was in. Wo Fat was a recurring character who kept coming back. Despite this, she was crossing her fingers that Steve would convince Danny into letting her stay with him. They truly were like a married couple.

"You really think I can't take her? Man, you need to let go a little. Put your trust in people. You can call every other hour to check if she hasn't drowned me in the bathtub." The humor was back in his voice and Gwendolyn was relieved by it. She hated to see him upset.

"Ha ha, so funny. You're a neanderthaler, you know that right?" Danny didn't sound amused.

"Sure thing babe," Steve replied back before hanging up the phone and turning back towards her.

Gwen couldn't help but look at him funny, he was so adorable, like a puppy. She really didn't want this dream to end.

"That was my partner. They haven't found out anything yet, but they'll keep trying." He had returned back to his sullen self and she was pretty sure she saw a flicker of despair in his eyes. It really ate at him that they hadn't made any progress.

She chose to nod softly and try to convey to him that it was okay without actually saying so. She didn't want to worry him too much. "Okay."

Steve looked around the room for a second before focusing back on her and moving closer once again. "The doctors are going to release you in a few hours and if you want you could stay at mine for a few days until we've figured out who you are. Maybe your memories will come back in the meantime."

Hell yes she wanted to stay with him! Of course she couldn't act like that in her response, he would immediately be suspicious, but that didn't change that she really wanted to stay at his place. How would one react to such a thing? She needed to be hesitant but willing at the same time. These situations gave her a headache.

"I don't want to intrude. I know you're probably too busy to take care of a girl with amnesia," Gwendolyn said carefully, every syllable stretched out slightly, as if trying to feel out what she was saying. Her eyes were locked with his and it was hard to look away.

"I wouldn't be offering if it wasn't okay, Gwen."

Steve just said her name! It sounded so good coming from him. Okay, _ew_ , she was really starting to sound as a creepy stalker right now. She needed to tone it down a bit.

"Well, if you're absolutely sure. It's just, everything is so bright and new. There isn't a single thing that I recognize. A familiar face would really put me at ease." Way to go with manipulating him Gwen, he was already letting you stay!

Steve smiled at her once again, this time full rows of teeth showing his pearly whites. Take deep breaths Gwen. No need to get a heart attack from this.

"I'm positive. Just let me make sure with the doctors first."

Gwendolyn nodded and smiled back at him, not trusting herself to say anything else. His kindness touched the deepest parts of her soul. There weren't many people she had met that were as kind and caring as Steve McGarrett. Her life consisted of backstabbing words and evenings spend at home on her laptop because the social world was to pressuring. It wasn't like she hated social gatherings or people for that matter, it was just that the people she knew were all trying to pull each other down one way or the other to be seen as better.

Gwendolyn had to admit that she had been dirty of these things too when she was still in high school. She tried everything to fit in, to hang out with the cool crowd. It had never really brought her joy. Her mom was the one that made her realize that her actions were toxic. Gwen kind of wished she was here right now. She'd always been the best at giving advice.

As Steve went to leave the room, he stopped in the doorway and turned back to look at her. "The doctors estimate you to be in your late twenties. I thought you'd like to know."

There was a short pause in her breath before it came out with a stutter. Steve took this as a sign to leave to room so she could deal with this new piece of information in piece. She truly was shocked. Her reaction wasn't something faked. How could they think she was in her late twenties? It made no sense.

Throwing the blanket off of her, she noticed that the drip feed was restricting her movements. Nose crunching up in annoyance, she gently started pulling away the tape keeping it in place before turning her head away and pulling out the needle. Gosh, how she hated needles. Once that was done, Gwen swung her legs over the edge of the bed, a rush of dizziness washing over her. Immediately she started moving more carefully as her feet touched the cold tiles of the hospital floor.

Her legs were thankfully holding their weight as Gwendolyn made her way over to the bathroom. Clicking open the door, she walked further into the room and walked purposefully towards the mirror. Her heart stopped once she saw her reflection.

It was her, but older and prettier: her short brown locks now came to mid back, her blue eyes seemed to sparkle more, every part of her body was more defined and instead of unflattering curves she was skinny with reasonable hips and a pretty good butt. It looked like she had been working out a lot, while she never went to a gym in her life. There were still certain things that told her it was really her she was seeing in the mirror, like the slope of her nose or the freckle just below her ear.

Now she understood why the doctors had made the observation of her being in her late twenties. Gwendolyn looked way older than her official nineteen years. She didn't know if she should be happy with that or not. It did mean that no one would treat her like a child, so that was a plus.

Still, this looked like something way more than she had signed up for. She just hoped that none of this would backfire in the end.

* * *

 **A/N: first of all, thank so much for the support i'm receiving for this project, if it's either in likes, follows, reviews, favorites, etc. it really means a lot to me that you guys are enjoying this story so far.**

 **on to the actual story, i realize that some things may be a bit ooc, i'm just still playing around with getting the feeling on how to write our beloved characters. i hope i'll get the hang of it eventually! also, i'm aware that some things i wrote aren't officially correct, but i have no knowledge of how real police go to work with these sort of cases. there are like a lot of people out there who are way better at that sorta thing i'm afraid.**

 **next chapter is the meeting with some of the other characters so look forward to that! please, keep reviewing, voting and following!**


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